2016年8月17日

500 Days - The background road

Today starts a very important countdown. A forced countdown but one I've been waiting for so long. I was hoping this would come earlier in my life, but I'm glad I am even here to start it with you.


今週のブロッグは日本語で通訳しないです。
難しく話がしてて、全部日本語でよくせつめいができないので、
申し訳ありません。


Today marks 500 days before 2018. 

Alright, I don't have anything planned for January 1st, 2018, nor do I plan to suddenly wake up and take a plane straight to Japan on that specific morning. I chose the date to become the day when I will officially be off duty from school, and possibly on a very close path to be confirming my soon to be move to Japan, that same year. That's the goal. Japan 2018



I must admit, it was supposed to be Japan 2013. It didn't go as planned. 

(Image from Shoottokyo)

The original plan, made by my 15 year old mind, was to finish fashion college, go to university to do a Bachelor's degree in east-Asian studies, while spending a year in Japan for my second year with their exchange program, and then apply to JET (Japan exchange and teaching program) or another English teaching company, fly to Japan and never come back. (That was my realistic goal and dream, let's not go into my absolutely crazy dreams shall we)

Everything went okay, until I came back from my second-year university program, after spending a year in Tokyo, in 2010-2011. After my college I was already a little down, realizing the fashion world was not going to really work for me, and that I had spent thousands of dollars on that degree and numerous hours crying over a sewing machine. And if I had been honest with myself, I did also know in the back of my mind, that this bachelor's degree wouldn't lead to any career here in Canada, unless I either went into translation, politic science or other masters program I really did not want to go into. Truth is : I really don't like school. But, it could bring me to my goal, and also provide me with deadlines that I would never respect if I fixed them myself. 

So coming back from Japan, I really did know that I did not work enough on my Japanese, nor did I work hard enough to get to know people, have contacts in Japan to really allow me to leave after my bachelor's degree and get a job I would enjoy. I was really disappointed in myself and also depressed from coming back to Canada after spending a year having fun. I just saw myself being in Canada, with a bachelor's degree that once again, cost me thousands of dollars, and that would be absolutely useless. I told myself "keep going, only a year left to go, you can go to Japan soon". But in February 2013, a massive student strike hit universities here, and we were unable to have classes for days. At first, I thought it would last about a month, like the first strike we had when I was in first year. And you know, I could deal with that. But then, it lasted weeks.... I started working full time, waiting for classes to start again. But after months, classes did not start again. We ended up starting classes again to finish the -winter- semester, in the end of July.  By then, I had been working full time at this restaurant job I hated already, and I was so exhausted, depressed, and not ready to take back what I had learned in January that I just decided to not go back. I quit university. 

It obviously made everything worse. I saw myself wave goodbye to my dream of going to Japan, my future being a hamburger cooker at a fast food restaurant, and my motivation, hope, and energy go down the drain. I went down into a dark pit, and couldn't get out. Nothing was going well. 

My friends got worried about me and had me search for help, which I did. 

I will not go into details about this time in my life now, but I saw a counselor, spoke to my doctor about my situation, and it took more than a year before I started to feel like it might be worth it to keep trying. During the whole year of 2013, I fought and tried to convince myself to try again. 

In 2014, after encouraging words from my counselor and friends, I got back some classes in university for winter 2015. I kept having this thought that it was too late now, I'm old. I'm 25, it's past my time. But even though I still struggle with this thought today, it seems like I'm here on this earth to live for a couple dozen years still, so I might as well make the best of it. So I went back to school part-time to finish what I had changed into a major in east-Asian studies. Still useless, but at least I would get a little paper with my name on it to prove that I made it ! 



And finally. After many job interviews. Someone called me back. They gave me a new job. I was so excited I went upstairs (I was at my restaurant when she called me) and gave my boss my quitting letter. "See you never," I thought. By far, it was the best news I had received in the past years. So out the door I went, and to my new life, I walked ! 

From that day on, it did go better day by day. Just being in a new environment that encourages their employees, let them know that they are important and valuable, as well as giving them a nice working environment and nice, open minded colleagues to be around changes everything. On top of that, I was also paid better, which also took off a load of monetary anxiety off my shoulders. Every week, I could see things go better. My depression got better, and my general mood and motivation got up by a bunch. 

And today, after spending a year at my new job now, having been promoted, supported by my new boss and colleagues, as well as my precious glorious friends, I'm going back to school this September. 

(credit : loveaesthetics )

This time is the charm. I'm doing it. I'm going for a minor in anthropology, so I can add it to my major and end up with a bachelor's, and finally be able to go to Japan to search for work. If everything goes well, I will be done with school by December 2017, so this is why the countdown starts now, to the end of 2017. 

I'm unsure of the final plan, but I am considering options right now. I have been researching companies that I could apply for, taking notes for apartments, saving money and generally trying to practice Japanese at least a little so I can go back being confident enough on my daily conversation level of Japanese. 

From now on, I will probably get busy with work and school,
but I will do my best to update here,
and maybe on my Youtube Channel as well,
 so let me know if you want me to talk about something special ! 

Also, feel free to follow me on any of these social medias !
(click to go to my pages)

          

Dahlia 


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