Long time no see

I wish I wasn't coming here today feeling like I want to talk about this but I do, so I'm going to go ahead with this before I decide it's not worth it. Maybe it is in fact not worth it but it might as well get out. Might come out as a rant or pity party to some of you so feel free to not read it if you don't want to read any of this.

I've been a little busy, going out a few times in the past weeks, seeing friends a few times, but I won't pretend like I'm super busy either. I'm still working full time, but I'm not as busy as people like to say they are. I've been spending time mostly sleeping, napping or doing any combination of both, in between going to work and trying to get over the pile of cleaning or the mountain of dishes starting to tell me by their smell that I should get up and do something about it. 

As much as I do think I have created nice things for myself in the past two of three months, and am doing well at my new job (got promoted to call dispatcher few weeks ago !), it's not going as good as I'd like.

I have an absolute lack of energy. That pushes me to very often have a 2 to 3 hour nap in the late afternoon, followed up by a 9 to 10 hour night (when I don't have to wake up at ungodly hours to go to work). This lack of energy is maybe caused by my infinite boredom, as well as my decreasing health, probably caused by my disgusting eating habits. 

When I changed job now three months ago I had some hope and grew more confident that it would change something as my previous job was just consuming me alive. Sadly, as one would expect, I'm still the problem, even though my job is quite alright and the people there nice. 

I feel like I have no control, even if realistically at the end of the day, I am the only master of what I choose to do. But I feel like I would need someone to assist me to get a good start on how to control my own self, as I don't think I would even listen to my own brain right now. 

I was hoping to get help with university soon, but with my lack of money (due to extremely poor choices on my end mostly) I find it harder than it could be. 

This was not for a pity party, but to share my feelings freely and talk about it. I hope if anyone out here reading this is in the dark mud right now, you can find help and regain control of your life. 

 Readings for the ill-brain earthlings 


I recently got back to looking at lolita items and fashion related things, as I finally, after 4 years, found the only dress I was really hoping to get and that I know I would adore. The Moi-même-moitie Silent Moon short OP in black and silver. 

I used to own the long version, which I had reserved and purchased when it first was sold in the shop in Japan, but I ended up selling it to be able to afford another dream dress, which I also ended up selling.... The long style made me look quite short, even though Silent Moon is one of the most beautiful prints Moitie has made, and the softest most comfortable OP I believe I have owned. So after that I kept searching for this dress but I never saw it on sale in this specific colorway, and even though I would love to own the white and black one, or black and golden, the silver print one was just the one I wanted really bad. So last week when I randomly could open Lace Market (by miracle, thanks to their unstable server) and saw someone selling it for less than 500$ (often what it goes for) so I jumped on it, even though I realistically do not have this money on hand. The very nice seller accepted my request and sold it ! 

It surprisingly made me very happy. I felt like I loved EGL so much and felt so fluffy for a moment. I really had a burst of nostalgia for the style. 

Summer makes me completely drop out of lolita, as I cannot stand the heat at all, and because I feel warm, gross and sweaty enough without trying to wear delicate clothes in which I would melt and feel extremely uncomfortable. 

But I am excited for fall as I hope to be able to come back to the style slowly, if I can also get help to loose a bit of weight, I will do my best to wear the pieces I own to work this fall. 

Soon, Moitie is releasing their winter collection, probably their infamous winter coats, so I'll be happy to share that with you when it comes out in two weeks ! 

Don't be surprised to see more change to the look of my blog, I am still totally not certain of this look and might change it again soon. I'm trying things and trying to keep my time busy so... Haha.